Hardee's knows how to do it

Several weeks ago, the subject of Hardee’s came up at Empire Comics.

(This shows you how far behind I am on my bloggings.)

So my friends Aaron and Greg and I, who often grab dinner together on Wednesdays after the shop closes, made plans to visit Hardee’s the following week.

This is an account of what happened.

I’ve always had fond memories of Hardee’s. When I was younger, there were two Hardee’s restaurants on State Street in New Albany.

Two!

And I ate at the one in Corydon a lot with my family.

And even after one of the two locations on State Street eventually became a Dairy Queen, my friends Bob and (the other) Greg and Chuck and I would occasionally eat at the remaining State Street Hardee’s during breaks while putting together the campus newspaper. I also ate at a Hardee’s in Bloomington with (the other) Greg when we met there before heading to Indianapolis for a Barenaked Ladies concert Greg had won tickets to on the radio, as he was often known to do.

In the intervening years, the Corydon Hardee’s and the remaining State Street Hardee’s closed down. I find that very sad. The only remaining Hardee’s in the area is in Jeffersonville, so that’s where Aaron and Greg and I trekked to for our Hardee’s adventure.

While the rest of the nation was worried about cholesterol and calories, Hardee’s had its scientists working around the clock to create burgers built for those of us who realize that you only live once and should enjoy the best, least healthy burgers imaginable, even if they ultimately contribute to less living. And thus were born such classics as the Monster Burger and the Monster Thickburger.

(I also find it sad that lots of people talk trash about Hardee’s, and again, I admire Hardee’s for bravely giving people what they want.)

Aaron ordered the Monster Thickburger combo, which comes with a Medium drink (which is the size of an Extra Large in any other restaurant) and huge helping of premium quality, skin-on, natural cut french fries.


Aaron introduces the Monster Thickburger

The Monster Thickburger boasts a pair of 1/3-pound Angus beef patties, bacon, American cheese and mayo between its buttered, seeded buns. It has 1,410 calories, with 965 of those from fat, 107 grams of saturated fat and 2,740 milligrams of sodium. But 60 grams of protein is good, right?

I got the 2/3-pound Double Thickburger, which is two 1/3-pound Angus beef patties, American cheese, tomato, lettuce, red onion, mayo, ketchup, mustard and pickles. This was also a combo deal, with a Coke and fries. The 2/3-pound Double Thickburger has 1,240 total calories, 810 calories from fat, 38 grams of saturated fat, 52 grams of protein and 2,090 milligrams of sodium. But since I didn’t get mine with mustard or pickles, that probably shaved off at least 1,000 calories. That’s what I’m telling my heart, at least.


The 2/3-pound Double Thickburger

Greg ordered the Hawaiian Chicken Sandwich, which is a charbroiled chicken breast buried under Teriyaky sauce, grilled pineapple, Swiss cheese, lettuce, onions, tomato and mayo. It only has 460 calories, so Greg’s ticker was definitely the winner of the evening.

And so we dined, talking about comics and movies and ignoring what was happening in our arteries.

As we were leaving, we noticed a blueprint for an old-tmey Hardee’s sign on the wall.

Hello, summer project!

Big thanks to Hardee’s for staying true to their mission, and thanks as always to Aaron and Greg for another awesome night on the town.

Coming soon — the long-awaited chronicle of my visit to Chicago, hosted by another Greg.

Dark Knight viral marketing explodes with new sites!

The Joker’s most recent online scheme is over. The Clown Prince of Crime asked his operatives to take pictures of themselves in Joker garb at various landmarks, and you can see the results right here.

Contributors were asked to supply their mailing addresses, and this week they received printed copies of The Gotham Times newspaper, which can now be read online right here.

Throughout the pages of The Gotham Times, you can read about the state of play in Gotham City as we lead up to the release of The Dark Knight on July 18, 2008.

And please be sure to read all four pages, which are linked in the top-right corner.

On Page 1, we’ve got stories about how Batman (Christian Bale) is waging war on Gotham City’s criminals after defeating Ra’s Al Ghul and bringing down the Falcone family in Batman Begins. And as you can see, not all of Gotham’s cops are happy with Batman’s interference.

Speaking of cops, there’s another story about how Assistant District Attorney Harvey Dent is waging a war of his own by creating an anonymous tip line — at We Are The Answer.org — where concerned Gotham citizens can report corrupt cops.

On Page 3, there’s a story lambasting Bruce Wayne (even though he’s repairing the city’s monorail system) placed above an editorial about how the city’s politicians don’t know what to do about Batman.

If only they knew.

And then, on Page 4, there’s a story about the emergence of Harvey Dent as a Gotham power player, and a tragic report on lovely young Gina Tortericci, who lost her life after getting caught in a crossfire between warring gangs.

There’s yet another new website, dedicated to Gina’s memory, right here.

Unfortunately, however, it seems that The Joker (Heath Ledger) also reads the newspaper.

And he’s taken some time out of his scary schedule to deface it.

Click right here to read The Ha Ha Ha Times, courtesy of The Joker himself.

The headline “Batman Saves Entire Family” becomes “Batman Saves Money on Car Insurance.”

“Dent Tip Line Targets City’s Dirty Cops” becomes “Dent Prepares Bubble Bath for City’s Dirty Cops.”

“Family Torn Apart by Fear” becomes “Family Torn Apart by White Tiger at Magic Show,” and The Joker has pasted a picture of a tiger leaping at the original article’s grieving widow.

On Page 2, The Joker tells us the best way to cook Vishnu the Elephant, and alters another story to show how a young boy saved his sister from a 5-alarm “chili cook-off.”

The Joker makes fun of Bruce Wayne on Page 3, chiding him for “being a wuss” and defacing his photo to make light of the tragic murder of his mother (and father) when Bruce was just a child.

The nastiest of the modified headlines appears on Page 4, where The Joker jokes that the late Gina Tortericci is “no longer most likely to succeed.”

It’s a lot to read in one sitting, but make sure you’ve read all the articles and headlines — in both the original Gotham Times and in The Joker’s cut-and-paste lampoon version — before you see The Dark Knight on July 18.

This is the best marketing campaign ever.

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Update:

And they just keep popping up. Check out Gotham City Rail, Gotham Police Department and a new personality profile test conducted by The Joker.

Jack's not happy about Heath's Joker!

Jack Nicholson isn’t happy that he wasn’t asked to reprise his role as The Joker in The Dark Knight.

Click right here to read all about it, from our good friends at MTV Movies Blog.

Nicholson’s Joker is one of THE great motion picture performances of ALL TIME.

But even though Jack’s Joker was perfect for that particular version of Batman, director Tim Burton took some crazy liberties with the character — such as making him the murderer of Bruce’s Wayne’s parents and then killing him off — that were foolish and senseless.

I’m expecting Heath Ledger’s Joker to be the first truly accurate depiction of The Joker that we’ve ever seen on film.

And keep in mind, too, that Nicholson’s comments aren’t about Heath Ledger in particular. He’s just upset that somebody else is playing it in general.

More soon.