My friend Angela: “I was wondering if you’d considered reviewing the Wendy’s Baconator, a half-pound burger that boasts six — that’s right, six — slices of bacon.”
Me: “Okay.”
Because, as it just so happens, I’ve already had one.
A couple of weeks ago I went to get the oil in my car changed. The guy said it would take about half an hour.
“That’s perfect,” I said. “That’s how long it’ll take me to go get some lunch.”
So I started walking to Wendy’s.
As I got closer, I found myself lost in a mirage not unlike those suffered by lost desert travelers who think they see water in the distance.
I thought I saw a poster in the window for something preposterously called “The Baconator.” And with each step I took, new details of the illusion emerged. Two perfect Wendy’s burger patties, to the tune of half a pound? Two slices of succulent cheese? And six pieces of bacon.
“If only such a thing existed,” thought my beleaguered, weary mind.
But when I got to the restaurant I saw that it hadn’t been an illusion at all. The Baconator was real, and all my dreams had come true.
Let’s review.
The Baconator has half a pound of burger, split between two expertly prepared patties. There’s a big slice of cheese on top of each patty, with the top slice sleeping the sleep of angels beneath a blanket of six pieces of crispy, perfectly cooked bacon.
The underside of the top half of the fancy bun glistens under of a sheen of generously spread mayo, which in turn is drizzled with a tasty dazzle of Lycopene-bearing ketchup.
The bacon was arranged in such a magical way that every bite was packed with a porky punch. And yet, even with all that meat, The Baconator never tasted overwhelming.
In fact, I think it might have been perfect. The mayo and the ketchup provide just the right amount of sassy zip and zippy zap.
So if you find yourself in need of a leaning tower of burger, pork, cheese, and fatty condiments wrangled between a big, fancy bun, cruise on in to your local Wendy’s and give The Baconator a spin.
What are you eating? Because I’d really like to know.