Movie Review: Wanted

Here’s another really bad movie that’s a lot of fun.

Wanted wants to be Fight Club and it wants to be The Matrix, but it doesn’t have the balls or the skill of either.

And yet …

Wesley Gibson (James McAvoy) works in an office that he hates for a boss that he hates and lives with a girlfriend that he hates because she’s sleeping with his best friend, whom he hates.

But he’s too paralyzed by panic attacks to do anything about it, so he buries it all under excuses and pills.

Until he almost gets chopped to pieces by bullets in a gun-fu supermarket shoot-’em-up between The Fox (Angelina Jolie, looking filthy hot in a white dress that barely hides the lines of all the dirty tattoos scribbled like some kind of ancient, horny cursive all along her sex-on-legs frame) and Cross (Thomas Kretschmann), a super-assassin whom Wesley will later be told was the murderer of his own father who walked out when he was seven months old and just happened to be the most awesome assassin who ever lived.

The mastermind of all this insanity is Sloan, played by the ever-awesome Morgan Freeman.

Sloan is the keeper of some kind of cosmic loom that weaves threads which can be read as binary code that reveals the names of people who need to be killed because fate says so.

And that’s what Sloan’s people do.

When a name comes up, that person is killed.

But these aren’t just normal killers. They can “bend” bullets to do all kinds of aerial acrobatics, and they can literally shoot the wings off of flies.

Wesley has this ability, and in the grand Jedi way he is trained to find it, harness it, and use it against the loom’s targets with extreme prejudice.

And of course he’s also ultimately being groomed to take on Cross, because he’s the only shooter with the potential to best the traitor.

But there’s no Yoda-style philosophy to be found here. Instead, Gibson’s training involves being beaten nearly to death on a daily basis by a smirking blond Euro-trash taskmaster called The Repairman before then being sliced up by a nasty, greasy butcher known only as — you guessed it — The Butcher.

After all of this punishment, he gets dumped into a waxy bath that rapidly heals his wounds so that he’ll be fresh and fancy for the next day’s beatings and cuttings.

In between all of this, he gets gun lessons from the cool, classy Gunsmith, played by rapper Common.

McAvoy is really brilliant in this, and sells even the most ridiculous aspects of this trashy, ridiculous piece of cinematic garbage. I kept thinking, in fact, that he’d make a great Luke Skywalker if they ever made another Star Wars movie.

But as trashy and as bad as this movie is, it’s still a massive amount of fun thanks to the fact that it never really takes itself too seriously and remains pretty whiz-bang with the action stuff.

Freeman is Freeman.

Jolie is sexy and enigmatic.

And, again, McAvoy is awesome.

I think one of the film’s weak points is how careless it is with its twists; there’s not a single turn that I didn’t see coming almost immediately because of how heavy-handedly so many of the proceedings here are presented.

Wanted is a stylish piece of mean-spirited garbage, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have one hell of a good time watching it.

And there you go.

This isn't really about The Dark Knight …

… except for the fact that it’s entirely about The Dark Knight.

My buddy Bill “Jett” Ramey, the hardest working Batman fan on the planet and editor/creator of the amazing Batman on Film, was handsomely rewarded by Warner Bros. for the decade of selfless service he’s given to Batman nerds like me.

He got to attend the big press screening in Los Angeles this weekend.

“Yay for Jett. And for my next trick, I’m going to bake the new mayor into a giant lasagna.”

Bill is NOT the kind of guy who’ll say he likes something just to please a few corporate bean-counters.

In fact, Bill started Batman on Film for the express purpose of trying to communicate to Warner Bros. what all the fans really wanted out of a Batman movie in the wake of the heinously bad Batman and Robin.

And he has consistently done so with integrity, enthusiasm and respect.

And if the people making The Dark Knight got it wrong, he’d be the first to give them hell for it.

That being said, this is what Jett had to say on his message board about seeing the movie:

Greatest film I’ve seen in my life….
It literally blew me away. I sat in stunned silence during the entire credits.
To call this a “comic book movie” so off the mark, I can’t put it into words.
As a Batman fan, this movie moved me in a way that’s indescribable.

You can take THAT to the bank.

UPDATE: Bill just added these comments on the main page:

I’ve seen THE DARK KNIGHT.
My friends — my Batman brethren — it’s a classic. I was flat-out speechless during the entire closing credits and I wasn’t the only one who lost their capacity to talk.
Props to ALL involved. But I’ve got to give out a “Hell Yeah!” to Jonah Nolan, David Goyer, and Chris Nolan for writing one HELL of a story and script.
My review is forthcoming, so stay tuned. But I will say that THE DARK KNIGHT moved me — as a Batman fan — in a way that I’ve never experienced in my life.
My eyes welled up and y’all can laugh if you want. But yours will too very soon.

And for those of us who have to wait until July 18, we can rest assured that it’s worth the wait.

And Bill, good buddy, congratulations on getting to go early.

You earned it.

(Bill can’t post a complete review for a couple of weeks until WB lifts their press embargo, but I’ll link to it as soon as it’s up.)

And while we’re at it, let’s do a few new pictures. Click them to see them big:

“I am a Gotham City District Attorney. Let me pass … all the other cars on the way to John’s house for sushi and hugging!”

“So what do you fellas think about Bierly as Robin in the next one?”

“Bierly as Robin? Nolan said that? I don’t see it.”

“I’ll have the sushi, please. Extra avocado, hold the hugging.”

July 18, gang.

You’d better be there.

Remembering Michael Turner

Our good friend Kyle just wrote to let me know that comic book artist (and sometimes writer) Michael Turner lost his battle with cancer on Friday night.

He was only 37 years old.

Please check out the loving obituaries at GEN and Newsarama. Both speak volumes about what a good, friendly and enthusiastic man he was. Not to mention talented.

My favorite work of Mr. Turner’s was the art he did for issues 8-13 of DC’s Superman/Batman team-up title.

It’s collected in a lovely hardcover right here, which you can purchase at your local comic shop.

Just last night, in fact, my friend Kevin stopped by and was looking at my bookshelves and took down my copy and started flipping through it. I sent it home with him to read and enjoy.

I also sent a copy of it to my lovely friend Kelly — a Superman fan if there ever was one — to read while she was in the Caribbean (working on the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels, in fact).

It’s a great story. While investigating a huge Kryptonite meteorite that crashed into Gotham Harbor, Batman discovers that the meteorite was bearing a spaceship.

The young teenage girl inside, confused and afraid, begins tearing up the city until Superman arrives in time to calm her down. It turns out she’s his cousin from the doomed planet of Krypton, but of course there’s more to it than that. Batman immediately doesn’t trust her. Superman immediately trusts her too much. And before it’s all over, she trains with Wonder Woman and gets whisked by Darkseid to Apokolips, where Superman and Batman have no choice but to follow on a rescue mission into the depths of one of the universe’s nastiest hells.

Turner’s artwork throughout is gorgeous and it’s a cool story. Check it out.

Thanks for all of the amazing work you did, Mr. Turner, and know that you’ll live on forever through your work.

I’ll conclude this with Mr. Turner’s drawing of Wonder Woman fighting a dinosaur.

Peace be with you, good sir.